Age Before Beauty

So, for those of you who follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you've noticed that I am taking a stage make-up class this semester.

Coming into the class, I had no idea how much I would learn about self-worth. I mean, it's make-up!

I've gone back and forth with my self image for years. Some days I dress up and feel like a million dollars and some days, I look in the mirror and wonder why I bother. It's something I've been working on. 

So, when I told my husband that I needed to take a picture of myself without make-up on, he groaned, anticipating the self-critique that could ensue. I took the printed picture with me to make-up and get to use it to plan out what I will do with my face during each different project. I'll just say, I've spent more time staring at my face this semester than most times in my life and it has been interesting.

Anyway, this week, we learned to do middle age make-up. 

Yes, I know that this does not look middle aged, but remember, it is meant to be seen from the stage, where old looks middle aged and middle aged looks like their twenties. 

The point of middle aged is to find every wrinkle and imperfection in your face and accentuate it. Now, that may sound kind of awful, but all of the pressure to look "perfect" was gone and I LOVED it! 

It was really interesting to turn my perception of my splotchy skin, acne, and multitudinous wrinkles on its head. It was freeing. My skin was "perfect" for this make-up. I didn't feel self-conscious at all. (Probably because I knew that it could all wash off, but that's not the point!) The point is that we don't have be or look a certain way to practice self-compassion and love.

"Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception--we want to be perceived as perfect. Again, this is unattainable--there is no way to control perception, regardless of how much time and energy we spend trying."    -- Brené Brown, "The Gifts of Imperfection

This year, I have a goal to be more authentic and self-compassionate. I'm giving up my addiction to perfectionism and fighting to own my vulnerabilities. It's a day to day thing, but I'm learning. It's my life, I might as well live it. =)

Embracing Failure

I know, it's been a while since I published anything on my blog. I have 4 drafts sitting here of posts I have started over the last year. I keep feeling like I need to make excuses and explain what has been going on over the last year.

I'm starting to accept, however, that I don't have to do things just right. I make mistakes a lot. I don't get done what I want to and I'm learning to let myself be okay with that.

Yesterday, I did a group lesson plan for my Elementary Drama class and it did not go as planned. We had trouble getting together to work on the lesson plan in person due to conflicting schedules and it showed. Putting together a project over google docs works better in theory than in practice. We got through it, but it was nothing like we had each envisioned.

After teaching, we had to reflect upon how it went. The three of us sat silently when asked what went well with the lesson, but our teacher wouldn't let us move on until we were able to see the gems in our perceived failure of a lesson.

Over the last year, I have started so many posts, but never felt like they were good enough, just like the lesson plan. I have seen that as a common thread in my life.

That's one reason that I am so grateful for my faith. I believe that God sees more potential and worth in me than I see in myself. Reminding myself that the purpose of life is to learn and grow gives me hope when I'm starting to slide into a self-depreciating spiral.

Every situation can give me experience and help me learn so that the future may be brighter.